If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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