So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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