Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
