so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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