If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize