just tell him i said nine months
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize