The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
