i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
