So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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