It was confusing and full of hummus
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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