Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
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ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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