Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
