You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
