you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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