I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize