DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
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I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
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I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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