It's a beautiful day for a hangover
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
