I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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