We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
