i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
