I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
