Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
