Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
