My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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