He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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