i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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