wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
