i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
