I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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