It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
