I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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