Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
