how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My balls are so social today.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
