I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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