I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
