I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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