I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
