The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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