sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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