official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Houston, we have a squirter
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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