The maid of honor just puked.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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