I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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