Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
