She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
