can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
