so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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