Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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