You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
im six kinds of drunk right now
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
