Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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