did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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