i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
if only i could text you this smell
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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