No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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