i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
