I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
