mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
